The darkness recedes, the light will hold on just a little bit longer. i love a good Solstice. i've had space to reflect on my year, and develop some hope for the future.
Rewind to last Solstice and journey with me. i had just had my heart broken. i was crying a lot, i muddled through Christmas. i was a bit more cheerful during a family New Year's celebration. 2014 began.
Ten days into the new year, that brilliant beautiful man and i decided to give us another chance. We fell back into our sweet rhythm, with a few tweaks, and we've been strong since. i am so grateful.
i carried on lifeguarding at a local fitness center. It was quiet and boring. It gave me a lot of time to be inside myself. i really got a lot out of it.
On Valentine's day i went to Philly for some Ratdog. A whirlwind experience. Hippie love in a cold city.
In March, just when the cold had become much too much, i escaped with my best friend down to Florida. A divine week with her extraordinary grandparents. i can home and the fitness center closed. i kind of floated around aimlessly for a bit.
April warmed up our days. i lounged around in my favorite coffee shop. i did family and friend stuff. i got my first tattoo. Some discouragement about my life was felt. i kept goin along.
June sent me soaring. i saw Ilya accomplish a Tough Mudder and it made my heart sing. i gallivanted up a mountain for a music festival and had an awakening. i was inducted into a tribe of faeries. i got to hug one of my favorite artists, Michael Franti. i formed amazing bonds. i hitched a ride home with a friendly stranger. Hippie bliss.
And then i landed a new fabulous job. i found a swim school with a unique style of teaching and an overall warm atmosphere. (It's also 90 degrees in there lol). i filled a need as a new guard.
Random summer happenings came and passed. Fun hangouts between working, and making a home with my boyfriend. i had experiences bonding with people through a language barrier. Ilya's family and i have formed relationships despite them not being English speakers and me not being a Russian speaker (yet). What a gift.
August made me high, i've never been so elevated. The Gathering of the Vibes, my home festival, breathed life into me - fluttering around as a faerie, crafting with kids, amazing music, fantastic friends. Two weeks later, a new festival, Bella Terra, brought new adventures. Beautiful Earth indeed. Then i turned 21. A day i was anxious about since embarking on sobriety 6 years ago. A day at the zoo, some family, friends, and cheesecake made it more fulfilling than i could've imagined.
In September i had my first experience saving someone. At a pool party, little girl fell off her float. Quick action, no damage.
At work i was asked to grow with them. i started training to become a teacher with them. Come October, my coworkers relinquished a handful of classes to me, and i really started to come into my own.
Though i've never been so sick as this Autumn. Fevers, ear infections, incessant mucus. But it cleared eventually.
November brings both a lot of stress and gratitude. Work started to feel a lot like another home, i was fitting in seamlessly, and i was being nurtured. i ran around on Thanksgiving to 3 parties and ate 3 feasts, and resolved never again.
In picking up so much of my family's slack, Ilya and i realize we'll make pretty good parents. On the backburner, of course, but when it comes we won't be worried.
We trudged through December, budgeted for gifts, made our plans, and got through it. Here we are.
i can see how much i've grown. Most notable is my financial independence. i'm very proud of myself. Less than a year ago it seemed like such an unattainable goal. But here it is. i have this chaotic apartment with my wonderful boyfriend and we dream for our future - our apartment after this and, of course, our ideal home, someday pets, someday marriage, someday kids, someday travelling in our retirement.
He's working on his career, getting his massage therapy license to help pay for nursing school. i'm secure in my job, loving the people i work with and for, learning every day.
Our families of origin take inconsistent priority. We're both doing a lot of work. We have friends come around but we are each others' rocks.
For the first time in my life, i've reached a significant level of contentment. A lot of times it seems surreal. Yes, there are still many struggles, and still some baggage to sort through. But really, i can just take a deep breath and be happy.
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